Hey, Catholics! The Vatican wants you to pray before sex


Married couples are being encouraged by the Catholic Church to pray together before sex to purify their intentions so that the act of intercourse is not hedonistic or devilish.

The prayer, which appears in the newly published Prayer Book for Spouses, implores God “to place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes”.

The 64-page book is published by the London-based Catholic Truth Society, according to the Daily Mail.

It reads: ”Open our hearts to you, to each other and to the goodness of your will. Cover our poverty in the richness of your mercy and forgiveness. Clothe us in true dignity and take to yourself our shared aspirations, for your glory, for ever and ever.”


But for non-Catholics, I think this might work better:

Thank you for this long, hard rod which you have given to me so that I may satisfy the burning desire within my thighs. I pray that as I ride this thing, I shall work it and work it good. And when it is all over and we had released all of our juices, she shall cuddle with me, talk to me and make me feel special.